Have You Felt Like You Need to Have All the Answers, Too? Here’s 5 Steps to Free Yourself of the Habit Today

by | Apr 5, 2021 | Overthinking and Procrastination

Happy April, Womxn & Women! It’s a gorgeous Spring day here and I’m grateful that I was able to get a walk in after receiving some poor news and a Plot Twist. Without going into details, I was stumped today and grieved for a time. The situation is pretty much out of my control and I can’t do anything from where I’m at, or even if I was there. I already talked about how to cope when things disappear and you’re not ready for it a couple of weeks ago, if you want to check it out. But today’s curveball reminded me that I don’t have all the answers. And, yes, it’s so nice to have all the answers, isn’t it? Sometimes, we want everything to work out in perfect order. Or, we want things our way so we know exactly what’s happening. This is more than having a good mindset. It’s about releasing control, and maybe constrictions, on multiple levels. It’s a holistic experience, from my perspective. To be real, I had to practice some tricks today to help perk myself up and I wanted to share some of them with you in case they’ll help. While definitely just my viewpoint–the mind, body, and Spirit, are wholly powerful. Our bodies, our “mindset,” and the lifetimes of experiences we have, build up to the packaged deal of who we are. Together, I like to think of them as elements: balanced and supportive of one another. When I feel constricted, small, or two inches tall, I pull together my elemental strengths in steps:

1) Feel everything: the disappointment and all nooks and crannies of the emotions.

I think the hardest thing in this lifetime can be purpose, pursuits, and change. Especially when things out of our control occur. It’s pretty amazing how often we tell ourselves a story: how X should’ve gone, or how Y was meant to go if…[fill in the blank]. With our Human Element involved, there will be disappointments. We may feel sad or hurt and need care. And with care comes acknowledgment, truth-telling, and recognition from wisdom.

2) Acknowledge the feelings, as they come and as they are, but release them after feeling them. Don’t force the release either.

It’s like breathing… Yes, there are divers who win world records holding their breath underwater—bravo, by the way—but you don’t always have to keep things inside. Treat feelings kind of like breathing. Acknowledge they’re there, physically breathe in and out while you’re “facing them,” and allow their release with your breath. I’m not trying to minimize emotional pain at all, truly, but if you can try to breathe through feelings, and stress, and hurt, it may release a little easier than keeping it all pent-up.

3) Rest your whole self while processing the feelings, during and after.

Full disclosure: I was sad, puffy-eyed, and laid down under the covers with my favorite quilt. Not that a quilt can help me with the feelings per se, but being wrapped up like a burrito I know I’m present, safe, and feel secure. From there, I meditated and expanded myself beyond my feelings, identifying with something outside my body and emotions. You know it, too: savoring that cup of tea, having a relaxing bath or shower, getting a hug or a smile, or having a laugh on the phone. It’s that moment where we’ve shifted from identifying with the pain, to experiencing something outside of ourselves with another human or even an item like tea.

4) Be open to a shift when you feel “empty” after releasing emotions, thoughts, and disappointments. This relates to not staying stuck in it.

While not officially FSW material, let’s call this a time of FRM: Feelings—>Rest—>Movement. I’ve recognized, years ago, when pent-up or stressed I’d maybe go for a run or workout more… Yes, it worked some anger or tension out, but it also pumped me up in my egoic state and made the rush continue or evaporate to show up at a later time. Usually, that later time came and I had to still face the same feelings for deeper healing. That’s why I’ve tried to allow myself to “go down to empty.” Empty the head, empty the hurt, so to speak, empty your limbs or each body part of pent-up schtuff. Even question your faith or purpose… But eventually recognize it for what it is: feelings and a lack of understanding, then work on healing and let this go. Again, simplify a wee bit. To lessen being stuck, treat the emotions like breathing and exhale with them, preparing for the shift in activity. Walk, run, move, dance, speak, paint, or do 100s of other things to shift your foci, body, and energy.

5) Finally, even after self-doubts and more, realize that you’re still loved and you’re still a (very valuable) part of this infinite world.

All-in-all what FSW is about goes beyond mindset. As you’ve already seen here, I try to take Life in strides holistically and from the space of Inner Wisdom. Instead of “convincing” my Ego or Human Element to just let things go, I physically, emotionally, and spiritually release when I can. Once I commit to this process, I also take every opportunity to see Life beyond myself. I’ll do it via meditation, observing nature, smiling unexpectedly at something, reading or listening to wise resources, etc. One of the last keys to releasing control, which I’ve noticed, is witnessing. See how other things in this world flit about instinctually and in tandem with the greater ecosystems of the Universe, known and unknown. Witnessing the unknown can help us recognize that we don’t have all the answers sometimes, and that we can still learn amazing things from it as observers rather than through force or grasping. Definitely… It’s easy to type out “feel courageous and move on,” but what if you’re not feeling that way? What if you’re feeling heartbroken or uncertain? Start with step one, then move through the others, and repeat. Yeah, not fun sometimes, but repeating healing modalities can take some time. The cool thing is that you can start today. Right now, actually. And if you need some help, FSW, a.k.a. myself, is always here. Feel free to write this way, or join the FSW Circle and get more direct communications as part of the group. If you’d rather work more privately before reaching out, here’s the FSW Quiz that can help guide you, too.

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