How Do You Find Peace When Attached to Something and it’s Gone? 5 Tips to Try Today

Hey, Women and Womxn! How’s it going?

We are back under the evergreens in the western half of WA y’all. A lot has changed since leaving our last place and getting here a few weeks ago:

  • RV living
  • Getting the old place ready and putting it on the market
  • My beloved duck went MIA
  • Trying to run/build a business with better internet, albeit in an RV

The only thing constant is change, right?

We had a huge curveball last Fall–who didn’t have curveballs in 2020–and learned we’d probably be moving, within weeks of getting to our new place… It was hard. Actually, the term “hard” doesn’t even cover it; it was mind-blowing. Anger-inducing. Shocking. Other words I won’t type here…but you can guess them. As you can imagine, what we thought would be happening was completely and utterly going to be different.

Do you have those times, too, where you see Story A playing out in your head, only to have Story B, C, or D, occur instead? It’s like you missed Act II in the middle of the play because something out of left field happened, and you were still figuring out and recovering from Act I.

Now, I can be all cute on FSW and call this a “Plot Twist!” but there are times when we’re truly, deeply wondering how to let things go. Especially the things we’re attached to:

  • Ideas…
  • Stories we tell ourselves…
  • Supposedly “perfect” scenarios…
  • Other beings… (the list goes on)

I’m not a pro at detachment yet; it seems to be a part of my journey and why I help others like you, too. To be 100% transparent, at times I do find myself longing for what was rather than what is, or what could be, rather than where I’m sitting right now.

From lightest-to-hardest circumstance to consider, recently anyway, I’d like my duck back (hopefully alive). I’ve been telling myself that maybe he’s off on his own Woodstock adventure and will come back to Camp where we’ll pick him up later with the rest of the critters. Eventually, I’d like to have the privilege of staying put for a while. For FSW, I keep Google-ing, “how to run a business in an RV.” But that still hasn’t prepared me for two big dogs and two humans in a smaller space while trying to concentrate. Before you ask, I’d hit up the local coffee shop all the time if we weren’t trying to save some moola for the next place. Also, RV tip for those who are petite: invest in stools and cushions, and put the schtuff you always have to get to within arm’s reach. 🙂

So, let’s ask a big question in simple words: How can I find peace when I want what I want, but I’m not getting it?

Context: For those who’ve dated more than one person or have had different jobs or family situations… Did you have that one thing, or person, where you later said to yourself, “Thank the Universe that didn’t work out…” What about, “That would’ve been much tougher than I thought…” Or my personal favorite: living in the situation for a while, getting through it, and looking backward going, “What the Hell was I thinking?!”

Answer: We definitely can’t control others’ lives (even when we want or try to) and “perfect scenarios” don’t necessarily exist either. Sure, when the things we’re not too fond of, in hindsight, leave our lives it can be a little relieving, perhaps. But when the things or people we deeply care about go, or things change, it can be gut-wrenching.

Honestly, I’m not trying to be a buzz kill. But, I’ve been tearing up about my duck and while Jacques was fun, this plot twist has me pondering about how to let things go. Even the big, relationship level down to the feathered friend, small level. So, let’s unpack this and help ourselves out with these five tips:

Feel: Your peace will come, whether expected or unexpected

First off, the feelings that come up from lost attachments can hit all of us. When distraught or uncertain, a wave of emotions come; many of you know this and can sense it. Feel what comes up, sense it in your body, and in time release those emotions and get them out. From there, you can begin a healing process.

In times of change and things feeling chaotic, part of the healing process is having and holding peaceful moments. These moments come and go, or they come when I “make them,” via self-care or a soothing activity. They also come unexpectedly. What moments have you noticed and felt lately that have you feeling more grounded? Even when I try to push the peace away, to blow through the day or feelings, they are a beautiful gift. This gift comes, repeatedly, and it’s up to us whether we accept them or not.

Recall: You are worthy, even when things go sideways

Guilt, shame, “mistakes,” and more… We can be our worst enemy and also be too hard on ourselves. Others can be hard on us, too, so let’s not forget that; or this lifetime has its ups, downs, and waiting games. Regardless, we need to “relearn” that we are worthy even when things get all wonky and we feel lost. Or, when we feel like we have fudged up a situation beyond repair.

Let’s start with one simple affirmation and truth: I am worthy.

Now one to build on it: I am worthy of love and peace.

Another: I am worthy of love and peace even after making every choice I’ve made in this lifetime.

–>Take a deep breath, saying these statements, and repeat as needed.

Utilize: When facing a loss or grieving, use your strengths and find resources when the unexpected happens

I’ve already talked about tapping into your strengths on other posts, because I’m all about the strengths and natural abilities we have. But when facing a crisis, it can be hard to find our strengths or see them. It’s usually easier to see others’ strengths. But I deeply and fervently encourage you to see your own. When facing unexpected changes in life, strengths will help you get through the bumps, as well as showing yourself tenderness or self-forgiveness. And if that’s too much right now, look for resources that you have online or in-person.

Acknowledge: There isn’t much that is truly permanent.

Frick, this tip can be difficult. We love people or we love where we’re at sometimes. And we might love what we do, or we love a circumstance that makes us feel good. Lately, we’ve all been seeing so much death, rebirth, changes, and transitions. It can be mind-blowing, and sometimes when we look at this from our Human element, we can feel fragile. But we aren’t. While my own perspective, I believe our Soul element is infinite. Strong. Capable. Adaptable. You name it, the Universal Self within, our Wise Self, has walked our human bodies through umpteen challenges and will continue to do so. Our Human element is also incredibly strong. Point is, when things are always changing, we can make it through. Even when it doesn’t feel like it and even when it’s not what we want.

Decide: Every moment and relationship could have a point or a lesson.

(Yes, even when you ask yourself, “What was the point of that?!” Been there, done that, Friends.)

What’s the point of getting attached to something or someone? To realign with who we are. To grow, to move beyond our current state of consciousness, or to maybe see ourselves in a new light. These are just my thoughts, but each encounter we have in this life is an opportunity to live as we truly are.

When things, people, or circumstances, leave our life in an unknown combination of changes we don’t get it, usually. It can feel devastating. There’s no way around that, Beloveds. But, in each step we can remember where we came from, what we have done, and what we would like to focus on in the future. We can remember each thing, place, and being who’s been present with us, helping us shift on this journey in ways we couldn’t see. When freaked or thrown off, imagine your Inner Self loving you and walking with you as you let go of what’s out of your control and as you remember what is.

Alright, oofta. Letting these words marinate for a minute… Those are the tips for this topic—feel free to comment below or email me here. What do you think about attachment? Does any of this resonate or make you go, “Hmmm…?” I’d love to know what your thoughts are on the subject! If you’d like other FSW resources, the FSW Quiz can help you see how you’re living your day-to-day life. The FSW Circle is simply a direct correspondence between myself and the humans who sign up and join it. Whether you take the Quiz or join the FSW community, you’ll get a free mini-guide to get started on living from your wisdom today. Enjoy!

Feminine Sage Wisdom

Inspiring go-getter and changemaking women to shift from soul-sucking work to soul-full living and work-life balance. How? By using their wisdom within and realigning with a life where they're in the lead. Because we all deserve to be Wise Woman, not Grim Reapers. :)