“It’s Not Me, It’s You:” Golden Wisdom to Shift Towards Our Sovereignty

by | Aug 7, 2023 | Holistic Living and Sovereignty

I know the title might be off-putting, but hear me out! In the last year or so, I’ve seen again and again how often I let others control me, or the relationships, of the past. It was at work, it was in friendships, and in all sorts of scenarios. And that’s what made me think of the phrase many of us know: it’s not you, it’s me. But, what if we lived in our authenticity and kindly turned this phrase around? And part of this conversation today is about understanding our sovereignty.

There have been plenty of times in my work and personal life when it was me in some way, shape, or form. However, there were also scenarios where I was a doormat or I over-delivered when another individual was pushing for their agenda and desired outcomes. And to be completely honest, for people-pleasers and those of us who have honest-to-goddess kind hearts, it can be challenging to navigate relationships, boundaries, and standing in our truth.

But it’s through these experiences that we continue to know ourselves as we become “one” with the Universe. And the beauty lies in finding out what we’ll tolerate and what we won’t tolerate. So, let’s start to switch up this common phrase together and begin to walk in our sovereignty.

For those who prefer the audio version of this post, click the play button below.

#1: We Need to Give Ourselves a Chance to Live Without Our Own Judgment

And that does not mean it’s a perfect world! It only means that we give ourselves as much grace as possible. And when we can give ourselves grace, we can also assess how we show others compassion. That being said, there’s a difference between compassionate relating and releasing situations or environments that have toxic patterns and that stifle us. Pro-tip: we can release these with compassion as well.

#2: We Need to Continue to Reflect on Our “Mistakes”

Mistakes can feel like the end of our world, depending upon how big the “oops” is. But when we reflect on our lessons with honesty, we will continue to grow the muscle of self-love. How so? Because there is power in considering our future actions in new ways. Particularly, when they benefit us and others.

#3: Let’s Recognize Where Situations Are Partly in Our Control and How We Show Up in Our Integrity

Take a moment to unpack your current situations, especially the parts that are out of your control. Got them in your mind? Are you feeling them in your body friend? Now, sit with these “realities” and see the elements or aspects of them that don’t truly reflect your worth. More often than not, another party’s actions aren’t woven or tied to our worth, value, or capabilities. And when we can recognize this, we’ll be able to show up in our integrity and wisdom regardless of what others do.

#4: Know Where You and Another Person (or Work Environment) are Coming From

When we’re specifically working with somebody in our work environment, or even in our personal lives, it helps to remember where they’re coming from. Now we don’t always understand or know what their source of anger, anxiety, etc. might be…especially when they’re dishing it out. But it’s golden knowledge when we remember that it’s not always about us personally.

#5: Separate Out the Insecurities and Fears in the Situation

Finally, let’s remember that the insecurities of others are just that: their own. When I’ve worked with insecure or toxic folks I’ve recognized (now) that they were repeating patterns that worked for them. But that’s the power of knowing that someone else’s baggage is theirs to carry not ours. And that’s where those clear and stagnant, if I can say, boundaries are incredibly helpful while we navigate how to relate to them, or how to walk away from a situation that no longer serves our needs.

And Bonus Tip:

Don’t feel guilty when you let relationships fade that need to when you’re growing into yourself. I know, this one can be hard AF… but there is wisdom in letting relationships go that keep you confined. And for those of us who want to continue to grow in life, in all ways, we need to learn how to release them. It’s about turning a page, reading the next chapter in our lives, or closing the book, and moving on to the next.

While I’ve never actually said to somebody, “It’s not me, it’s you,” I’ve recognized when relationships needed to fade and how I could do better in future situations. Knowing what’s in our control and what’s out of it is incredible. And it might seem like a very simple application to practice, but it becomes more evident as we go through life. I have friends who are a few decades older than I am and they’ve taught me the beauty of releasing drama or people who are draining, simply because we don’t fit any longer (or never did).

So consider this wisdom. In the relationships at work, or in your life, that you have, assess them with truth-telling and your sovereignty. Keep asking, “Is it them or is it me, or both,” and continue to release what needs to release so you can bring into your life fulfilling supportive dynamics. And it’s in these new refreshing ways of living that you’ll see your expansive steps moving forward.


That’s it for this week! Feeling inspired? If you’re looking for more tips, and want a more direct connection, join (for free) the FSW Circle and get The Weekly Wisdom in your Inbox. If you’re ready to ditch soul-sucking work and what doesn’t align with you and shift towards soul-full living and work-life balance…you need The Zone of Purpose™ Blueprint. And if you have any questions or comments, leave them below or contact me 1:1 this way. Chat with you soon and bright blessings on you!