Do You Ever Close Yourself Off to Kindness? Let’s Unpack That Today

by | Mar 13, 2023 | Wisdom Over Toxicity

Image of a dark haired woman holding a golden, shaggy dog in an embrace. The sun is setting in the background and they are sitting on a dirt patch with the sun going down over their shoulders.

It’s another Monday with FSW and this week I’d like to talk to you about something that isn’t the typical pick-me-up. Well, it will be by the end, but we’re doing some truth-telling here to start with.

Here’s my question for you: do you ever push kindness way? Especially when you’re stressed or going through something tough AF? It’s ok. There’s no judgment here because I’ve done it, too. I’ve been that “lone wolf who has her shit together.” And to be even more transparent, I’ve done it because of a tough lifetime, too. Lone wolves don’t get hurt, right? Right-ish.

For those who prefer the audio version of this post, click the play button below.

Do Lone Wolves Crave Kindness?

With the transition of my loved one, I finally shared on LinkedIn stories about her and our life together. It was absolutely gut-wrenching to write, but I had the feeling it was the right thing to do. And I’ll tell you, after quieting my intuition for many years to fit in I needed to do it not only for that reason but to share a set of stories others can relate to and maybe find comfort in. Honestly, it was terribly vulnerable. Here I thought I’d share, be there for others going through similar pain — or who have — and I’d be the rock like usual.

What I did not expect was how armored I felt as the kindness and empathy came my way… It might sound counterintuitive: “Virginia, why would you resist that?” A knee-jerk reaction, my friend, a knee-jerk reaction. See, I’ve built a wall around myself since day zero to survive as a premature baby and due to other events in my years. And when that pure kindness came my direction, the only way to really accept it was to let it leech through my wall. My thick, tall, solid, and gigantic wall.

Since that post went up, I’ve reflected more about the walls we’ve built around ourselves out of traumatic experiences, toxic work cultures, and relationships that are draining or worse. We can feel a range of emotions: grief, loneliness, despair, etc. But then there is that unconditionally loving being, be it a human or non-human, that teaches us something about ourselves: that we deserve love. We deserve kindness. We deserve connection.

Is it harder when we’ve been hurt and more? Oh, Hells yes. But is it possible to crack that wall a little bit to let in pure, unconditional compassion and kindness? Undoubtedly. Yet, we have to crack it to let the light in. We have to be the ones to use our free will and say, “I’ll take this one stubborn brick out, so I can at least allow my being to soften and be held in light and love.”

To you who read these words: not everyone in this world is awful. Yes, there are many and probably 15 times a day I go, “Ugh, humans……” but the exceptions are there. And when we’re getting forged in new ways, especially through tragedies, sometimes those pure, kind-hearted beings can help.

Are You Up for a Welding Community?

I think of this like welding – which I’ve never really done, by the way, so bear with me. Oftentimes, we are the welders of our lives. We might work with an old or new pattern, we have tools or get new ones, and we cope as we go through the project with twists and turns. The last two weeks, I didn’t want to carry my tools or forge myself again; I’ve already had to do it over and over and over…

But guess who helped me repair this time? Guess who held the torch and tools for Life Event no. 3,498? Some expected folks and some unexpected folks. And that’s been a Hella lesson.

Let’s wrap this up by saying let others help you (re)forge yourself. Let kindness come in. Ignore the haters and leave behind the energy drainers. Really sit with those who give a damn about you and how you’re growing, in the good and the not-good moments. They are your people and beings. They are your co-welders. They’ll know how to help you weld yourself back together. Or they’ll at least show up, listen, hold space, and then put that welding mask on with you while you go piece by piece… Not to build up your wall again, but to rebuild your heart that’s been shattered.

Not sure where to find them? You’ve got me with FSW and you’ve got resources – we just have to get creative sometimes. If you are going through some trials right now, I am with you and I am helping you repair and realign just as much as you help me. So, thank you for that and we’ll continue to show up for one another in reciprocity and with our welding masks on.



That’s it for this week! Feeling inspired? If you’re looking for more tips, and want a more direct connection, join (for free) the FSW Circle and get The Weekly Wisdom in your Inbox. If you’re ready to ditch soul-sucking work and what doesn’t align with you and shift towards soul-full living and work-life balance…you need The Zone of Purpose™ Blueprint. And if you have any questions or comments, leave them below or contact me 1:1 this way. Chat with you soon and bright blessings on you!