Will We Ever Really Be Good Enough for “Them?”

by | May 8, 2023 | Wisdom Over Toxicity

I’ve been building up a new project here at FSW: a membership community. It’ll be ready to launch soon! And while I’m not sharing all the details at this moment, suffice it to say: this is going to be a space for some of my fellow rainbow rebels.

And as I was thinking about who this space is for and who it isn’t for, I was reminded of how there are some of us that just don’t fit into “the mold.” So, let’s first define what “them” is, at least in my world.

For those who prefer the audio version of this post, click the play button below.

Who Are “Them?”

Before we dig into this, I want to say first that this question can be a paradox. On one side of the coin, it doesn’t help to have an Us vs. Them or Enemy vs. Friend style of living. However, when spaces, people, or systems are unsafe, and want it to stay that way… Welp, I’d like to say they’ve lost some street cred and those of us who don’t fit into their mold need to stay psychologically and bodily safe, and that will lead to a natural rift.

Now, I see Them as this larger picture of the systems in place, or individuals in roles of power or control, who like life as a cookie-cutter. Even think of those in your work or family, even your friends circle, who don’t really enjoy change… Got them in your mind? Ok, now pick out the most judgmental of them: the ones that look at people like us and give unsolicited advice to keep us held back, or in a box, because that’s their comfort zone. They’re the Thems I’m talking about, at least today.

How Do I Cope with Them and Keep As Much Peace as Possible?

In truth, it’d be epic if you’re thinking, “James, I don’t have anyone in my life like that!” Groovy! That’s awesome. But some of us still do for varying reasons, in work or other communities.

And that’s why this question and today’s topic came to mind: “Will I ever be good enough for them?” Honestly, probably not until they accept us, but that is absolutely out of our control.

So, at the end of the day, we need to be good enough for ourselves. And I like to think that we’re our own tape measure or our own scale, if that makes sense. We’re also our own guide and learner, and individual.

Being different or othered in this world isn’t without its challenges. And harm to those of us who want to put a rift in the status quo or break down oppressive systems has its consequences.

But what does help is when we have our people, our circle, and have a space with truly compassionate, supportive beings who also want to crack these oppressive systems. That kind of goes without saying, but when we won’t ever be good enough for some people on this planet, let’s try to not be our own worst enemy, eh? Let’s try to come home within ourselves and do our level best to love who we are, even as we redefine that or change with the seasons.

And even when others try to make us feel like we don’t matter or we’re never good enough, I can tell you right now that you do matter. That’s the takeaway – if you tune out the rest of these words, remember you matter and keep aligning with folks who know this truth. And keep relating to your own layers and how you understand yourself, while you speak to, and live in, your truths.



That’s it for this week! Feeling inspired? If you’re looking for more tips, and want a more direct connection, join (for free) the FSW Circle and get The Weekly Wisdom in your Inbox. If you’re ready to ditch soul-sucking work and what doesn’t align with you and shift towards soul-full living and work-life balance…you need The Zone of Purpose™ Blueprint. And if you have any questions or comments, leave them below or contact me 1:1 this way. Chat with you soon and bright blessings on you!