Middle of the Night Doubts Got Me Googling: “How do women self-sabotage…”

by | Jan 3, 2022 | Wisdom Over Toxicity

While not the sexiest blog title I really did search for this out of curiosity. Results from companies, “experts,” and organizations are extensive and varied. And before we go any further, I’m raising my hand on this conscious and unconscious behavior, y’all, hence the lack of sleep and the upfront title today. The irony—or observation—is that this post is on the heels of last week’s about getting back on track after a work absence. I think I’m feeling a little panicky, to be honest. And I’m trying to get back into the swing of things and want to find a groove again with the responsibilities in life.

While I’d prefer to dig into up-to-date peer-reviewed research about self-sabotage, any of us can find something we can relate with online: from charging too little as business owners, to lacking assertiveness, to playing things safe, not taking enough time for reflection, etc. Needless to say, there are both similarities and differences in all the narratives, in how we potentially self-sabotage. And PS) this really isn’t “a gender thing;” I just identify as she/her so that’s how I Googled it. Yet, with centuries of history, barriers against women/womxn, the policies in place that continue to harm marginalized folks, and more…one can obviously imagine how this could influence our lives.

Now, this topic could easily become an eBook or side project with research footnotes. I don’t want to go that deep here, because this can be an individualistic deal and I am not a practicing therapist or PCP. I’m merely sharing my experience. Though, if you’re curious to know more, look into it further with a provider, a practitioner, or healer–however you want to pursue it is on you.

The Ups and Downs of Doubts

I’ve got moments where I feel invincible, and nothing scares me, but there are more often times where I can’t turn my brain off. Do you have those, too? If I try to normalize it, while just laying there, that can be semi-helpful depending on what the worry is… But the roller coaster sometimes doesn’t stop just because you or I go to bed.

Quick, but relevant, Universe moment. I was about to turn on my BrainFM again and this quote was sitting and waiting:

“Worrying will never change the outcome ~ Unknown.”

Noted. Worrying does feel like a roller coaster ride and we all get on it, especially after the last couple of years. But all-in-all, it’s an act of love to accept our times of doubt, while taking steps to work through them as they come. We just need to remember our own agency while navigating the variables.

Maybe Self-sabotage Can Be a “Yes, and…” Scenario

As I think about my areas of improvement and how I sometimes freak out about things, I see it’s relatable to the past, present, and future. I won’t go into detail about the past schtuff here, but it was bumpy and I can see how certain circumstances still affect my confidence levels. I’m guessing the same can be said for many of us and for you, but that’s where our Wisdom comes in.

So, how do we maintain our direction or progress? How do we keep applying our independence and establish a balance proactively?

=Let’s commit to a “yes, and…” approach in our lives and the work we do. How so? Let’s chat examples:

  • “I’ve had a lot of self-doubts lately [in this new experience], and yet I know I’m onto something good here because I’m expanding.”
  • “Been feeling like I don’t have what it takes for this work. And yet I know there are many variables that affect progress… I’ll figure this out in time.”
  • “This project needs to get done; I’ve been distracting myself lately because I’m freaked about [bleep-ing] it up. And I recognize now what I’ve been doing and can change how I approach it from here.”

The point is, yes, there are a lot of variables affecting how, when, and why, we do things. And some of them aren’t easy to deal with, depending on our past, present, and even future plans. Though, we can slowly work through the knots in our stomachs and the midnight wakeups. We just need to find the resources and methods that work for us.

To wrap up, click here to read the previous post that covers tips to get through mind games. As you might’ve guessed by now, FSW isn’t just about mindset; this is about integration and holistic practices. Feel free to marinate on what I’ve written about today or even months ago, and learn what works for you as you reorient your body, mind, and Soul. Self-sabotage doesn’t have to be a standard practice and every day can give us another chance at a redo, Friends. Hoping your week ahead has a little bit more support than when it started–see you next week.<3