Don’t Fail Yourself When Others Fail You

by | Mar 27, 2023 | Stress Management

Image of a dark haired woman in a beige blazer and white collared shirt staring out the window towards the street and tan building with a red awning.

We’re wrapping up March people and as we move into Quarter Two, I think many of us can say that Q1 had its twists and turns! In the last two weeks or so, I’ve witnessed the most beautiful aspects of humans and some of the ugliest. And it made me think about when people, even in the collective, fail us and how that feels. It’s going to happen, no doubt. So how do we manage it as best as we can and not lose ourselves in the process?

Failure is a word we hear a lot in our culture: whether it’s to avoid it, embrace it, or reframe it. I like to think of failures as larger life lessons, but also need a clear way to articulate my points today, too. Hence, the word that makes most of us cringe. I have a few steps to share with you, so let’s get into it!

For those who prefer the audio version of this post, click the play button below.

Step 1: Forgive Yourself if You Don’t Always Respond to Their Failures Perfectly

When we talk about others failing or failures in their humanness, that can be for many reasons. I’ll admit, when others are treating me poorly, I’ve had a plethora of reactions ranging from shutting down to standing up for myself and in-between. I don’t tend to lash out in someone’s face, as I’ve had that done to me and I consider it bullying. When I reflect on varying life events, I don’t regret the ways I’ve handled most situations, but I do reget not standing in my power. That’s why I wanted to talk about this today.

Another two points we need to chat about before moving on to step two is that people fail and sometimes in response we do, too. They’re humans. We’re humans (or spiritual beings in human experiences). And we may never respond perfectly to another’s failure…because there are emotions involved. Responses. Instinct.

This leads me to another point: forgive yourself for trusting them to do the right thing. There’s that phrase, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” I’d like to tweak this to think of it without shame, if possible. And I’m not excusing behaviors or choices, but I’ve had an easier time forgiving others when I think of them as animals or children. Maybe they wouldn’t appreciate that visual, but that’s what I’ve got.

Either way, it helps when you can be proactively grounded in who you are in your truth. If you don’t know who that is yet, then begin to ground yourself today with these questions. First, who is that wise woman inside? What wisdom have you carried within that’s gotten you through the tough AF life things? Work with these answers, and it’ll make future ‘failures’ of humans a little bit more bearable or you’ll know what to ditch, whenever possible.

Step 2: Continue to Have a Growth Mindset

You know the non-growth mindset types: rigid, happily stuck in a system, or they don’t know how to be different even if shown options throughout their life. Newsflash: you and I can’t change them unless they want to change. Now, when we talk about big systems in place, those need changing and that takes the collective or a mass of folks saying, “I’ve had enough.”

So, what do we do when that system is antiquated and the system is still cracking? We continue to stand in who we are and take care of ourselves. When humans and systems are being absurd, lets remember our sovereignty despite that. We may be knee-deep in disappointment or anger, or other feelings. Process them, and we’ll show up for ourselves and those that need further advocacy.

I have witnessed two scenarios in my life within the last two weeks, where people have disappointed the Hell out of me because they’re either boundary-less or they seem to have broken a promise. In these observations, I’ve recognized it’s time for me to not shrink my truth or what I’m here to do on this planet. It might not look the way it did five years ago; it might have changed and that’s OK.

But even if there’s been changes that doesn’t mean I, or you, need to shrink to people please or to fit in a box anymore. It’s up to you whether you break free from the box a little bit or completely. It’s your life, my friend. You and I get to reflect on, and live from, our integrity and our truth, as well as our sovereignty. And this is where step three comes into play.

Step Three: Don’t Fail Yourself and Don’t Diminish Your Light for Anyone

The heading says it all, but let’s wrap up today’s post with another mic drop. Say it with me, “I will not diminish my light for you. I will not dim my fire. And I will stand in my truth here and now.”

Standing up for ourselves is probably one of the key human skills that we can always continue to learn. Honestly, it doesn’t mean you have to be a jackass 24/7 or act completely self-absorbed. It just means that when you’re getting pushed around, or people are failing you because they’re being humans, don’t belittle yourself in the face of their disappointing words or activities. We don’t have time for that now.

It’s time for us to be who we are in our sovereignty, and if others don’t like it, that’s their problem. Change is inevitable, and in many ways change can be a good thing. And while we can’t control others and how they change, or how they do not, we can continuously reflect on ourselves, our well-being, and how we fit into systems or not.

That’s our sovereignty at work. And when we work and live in our sovereignty, we will never fail ourselves.

 

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