Connecting with What Is: What Self-Forgiveness Can Look Like

by | Apr 6, 2020 | Inner Wisdom

Hey, All – how are you doing? Hanging in there? I hope so, and I am sending you some good vibes. On our end, we are now preparing for a move and adjusting to a new chapter of life.

The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for a lot of people, and I think we all are wondering “what’s next?”

We were out shopping for food and household goods a few nights ago; there have been certain goods shortages out here and we are doing what we can. Still, in the middle of a store aisle, I suddenly had some tears sting my eyes, my chest got tight, and a rush of questions came up to the surface:

  • How will people be ok after this?
  • How can I be better prepared for “next time?”
  • Why did we ever make this move out here?
  • Why did I make the decisions that led us here?
  • What if I made a bad choice and this was all for nothing?
  • What if this gets worse and I could’ve spent $20 less last week on house paint and put it in savings?
  • Why didn’t I call my family more often before this pandemic or go visit?
  • Why didn’t I chill out more often, relaxing with others, vs. always going 24/7?

Do you see the train of thoughts cascading into a volcano of feelings? How will… Why did I… What if I… or Why didn’t I…

The truth is none of us can go back and redo choices; there’s no big red button to hit to reset. They’re done, and as a dear friend says, “Once you know better, do better.” That includes self-forgiveness, which isn’t just a woo-woo concept but a genuine acceptance and choice.

It doesn’t mean don’t own up to responsibilities or forget humility, but at the end of the day, none of us can make new choices without some level of self-forgiveness.

Shame, guilt, anxiety, or sadness –these have an ebb and flow in our life, but the balance to walking up to, through, and beyond, is forgiving past hiccups and being present with ourselves and the moment-by-moment choices here and now. Being unable to go backward to “fix” things, we only have today to look at. So, why do we all keep hauling more rocks in our proverbial packs than we really need to?

Here are some suggestions or ponderings here from a well-experienced rock hauler:

  1. Think about how we try to talk with children who make mistakes. Most of the time we try to let them know it’ll be ok or they didn’t exactly know what they were doing. Or maybe they just acted before they thought, or felt, what the right thing to do was. In a Universe that’s seen millennia’ worth of experiences, how about trying to give yourself a little more grace as though you’re still learning and growing? Because you are.
  2. Consider: What if there’s higher wisdom at work in your spirit that loves you, regardless, and it doesn’t see the flaws like our egos do? What would that spiritual wisdom say to you in a voice filled with unconditional love?
  3. You are a living, breathing being in this body, this place—your purpose is already at work and has been working itself out.
  4. Past “mistakes” are part of your life’s story—use the memories and lessons to serve yourself or others in meaningful ways.

You, my friend, absolutely deserve self-forgiveness: no need to ask “why…” because that is answered above. So, what burdens do you carry that aren’t yours to carry anymore, or what burdens need to finally drop out of that pack you wear?

The thing about “uncertain times” is that we don’t have a Life Manual; shoot, even before COVID-19 there wasn’t a manual and things were technically still uncertain… BUT this turn of events has afforded us the best opportunity to see what we could do better.

It is time to move forward and start fresh. Think about what choices you’ve carried that you can mold and remake with more love and self-forgiveness, reforming past burdens to become a tool to pivot in life with.

I almost put a self-forgiveness quote in here at the end. Not saying that’s not helpful to read sometimes, but I encourage you to read one less quote right now and try this simple exercise:

See your pack of rocks and open it up. Pull out a heavy, edgy rock from the past, look at it and feel it as needed. After observing it, take a pen made of pure healing light and etch on it: “I forgive you, dearest. You are still loved.” Speak this out loud if you want to, and repeat, “I forgive you” as often as you need, opening up to receive a hug of love, forgiveness, and compassion, from your Wise Spirit self.

When ready, place that rock down on the path you’re standing on, and turn away. Keep walking forward and don’t look back right now.

That rock is now just another stepping stone that will support your path, your journey, but it doesn’t have to weigh you down today.

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