How to Deal with ‘the Ugly’ in Tough Times by Walking with Our Feelings and the Beauty

by | Jan 23, 2023 | Inner Wisdom

Before we get started, I want to acknowledge and hold space for the mass shooting over the weekend… It’s not, and shouldn’t be, business as usual. Every time there’s an act of violence like this, it reminds us to reflect and act on what needs changing so we can all be safe – where we celebrate, shop, go to school, and more. For the Asian and Pacific Islander communities, I am with you and am journeying with you, grieving with you.

For those who prefer the audio version of this post, click the play button below.

Dealing With ‘The Ugly’ Side of Tragedies and Events

With continued violence and suffering in this country (and around the globe) I wanted to write a quick note about how to deal with the ‘ugly’ in tough times. And please note that I’m using quotes around this phrase, because it’s not so simple as two words and I’m not trying to be accusatory: we all have shadows within us. Now, I think when we see or go through brutal, incomprehensible events, we get stirred up. It’s natural as we’re in human experiences. So, how do we cope with it? How do we stare back at the ‘ugly’ out there?

We find our beauty within, and if we can, in others. So, let’s focus on ourselves for this round. Why? While we keep seeing rifts in society or communities, even in family and friend circles, let’s try to not do that within ourselves.

As I shared in the last post, before Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, the Three T’s are a set of tools. These tools help with a healing process and for us to get unstuck, but what happens when we come back to this reality and it’s brutal?

The balm is to see our strengths, accomplishments, tools, resources, and anything else that’s within us that is beautiful and grounding.

It’s not to ignore what’s out there or the work we need to do within ourselves, but it’s to start to repair any rifts inside so we can walk forward in a more holistic, integrated way.

Let’s Apply What We Know: Steps to Healing

First, do the Three Ts: get out those feelings and release the anger, the sadness, confusion, and anything else that’s festering.

Second, take these steps to realign with the beautiful in yourself:

  1. Write out (or type on your device) everything you can think of that’s beautiful within yourself. Do a timer for five minutes: it’s a beautifying brain dump.
  2. No overthinking or perfecting.
  3. Now, if needed carry this list or note with you everywhere you go. In times of struggle, look at it. When feeling like humanity is on a spiral down, glance at it. See something beautiful in another or kind, or inspirational? Write that down for remembering.

To live in this place is to find balance and ourselves, healing, and growth. The ‘ugly’ is always going to be there; and while gut-wrenching, much of it we can’t control. But when we can acknowledge our feelings, release emotions, and sit in our beauty still, that is how we cope with this. It’s how we realign with who we are at our core: an energy and being sourced in unconditional love, balanced nature, and possibility.

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