Hey, Women and Womxn! How’s your day gone so far?
I wanted to build off of an old post about letting go of what we’re attached to. Understandably, grief is a process full of depth and uncharted feelings and we all feel it differently. It can come with animals, loved ones, ideas, dreams, and more. For more details read that one first, and come back here with my newest revelations.
When we consider the feelings of rejection, it can “almost feel worse” in the beginning. Or, the two can be intertwined depending on the situation. Full disclosure: I use that statement of feeling worse very lightly, because, frankly, none of it feels good. We don’t welcome grief, we don’t welcome an unexpected detachment, and we don’t like to welcome the unknown. And we like to feel safe; this is part of the Human Element.
I’m going to go out on a limb here: I think many of us are sensitive to what we get attached to and what we bond with. Generally speaking, bonding and community building are healthy and natural. And regardless of whether it’s with another being or a thing, when they’re “taken away from us” we may not get it fully. It’s like system overload and we can’t compute. So let’s go back and review the five tips from the March post about attachment and letting go:
- Tip #1: Keep feeling and the peace will come
- Tip #2: Recall your worth
- Tip #3: Utilize your strengths
- Tip #4: Acknowledge change happens
- Tip #5: Decide to follow the lesson
While I’ll still hold to the five tips in that post, I’d like to add a couple more. Personal experiences and increasing unknowns have shown me the importance of these two extra tips over the last two weeks. Again, see this post for Tips #1 through #5 in detail.
Tip #6: Hold Your Boundaries While You Heal
Admittedly, when facing rejection–from anyone or for any reason–healing can take some time. We’re all different, right? So, why can’t we offer ourselves some grace when meeting a situation of rejection or hearing, “Nope, not going to happen right now?” Unfortunately, our “bootstraps culture” can make it seem like we all need to just dust ourselves off, accept the curveballs when they come, and move on without getting wimpy. But really, in the interim, hold space for yourself. Hold space for healing and stitching yourself back together.
When we can hold boundaries for ourselves after rejection, and when we can say to others, “I need time,” that’s ok. Now, it’s easy to want to withdraw forever and not want to get brave again… But let’s remember there’s healing work to be done as we live life. Not to get too graphic, but our bodies and mental game need time and space when we have an accident or injury. Processing can take some time. So, if we have to hold a boundary to process and heal, it’s worth it; and we can also allow others to hold space and time for us to heal. I tend to see this as a gift of love for ourselves and a gift of love from others.
Tip #7: When You Feel Rejection from Another, Don’t Reject Yourself
I literally had to tell myself this after waking up today. This was my morning’s mantra: “I don’t reject myself.” Even though I heard crummy news. Even though I had my heart set on something and was told, “nope.” And even though I could picture myself in a scenario that was pretty comforting and self-care-oriented… I still got up and opened up my planner to look at the day with semi-fresh eyes. The day had to go on and there are about five lines of hope and tasks in there to refocus on. I’ve got you all, FSW, family, my dogs, a couple of projects on the side, and exercise. The feelings were felt and the tears rolled. Then, marked in my planner, were tasks of hope and that’s where the future awaited me and it’ll await you.
Some of my responsibilities help me see how I get stitched back together when hurt or disappointed. Right here, right now, is where the little extra joys are to be found in the day-to-day. Is living in an RV that fun while we look for a place to live in an obscene housing market? Not always. Do I enjoy seeing my senior dogs every morning when I wake up because they’re literally four feet away? Most definitely (minus times of doggie hopscotch). As they are, here and now, I know that my days are numbered with them. So, I treasure this and try to not be too down on myself and what’s happening today. Even if it’s a rejection, there are still opportunities to see the silver lining while seeing the clouds. In trying my best, and in doing our very best with what we have, let’s take time to recognize that today and love ourselves through it.
Let’s be honest with each other: writing this post was hard tonight. I wanted to go under the covers and await tomorrow as a new day. Yesterday, the tough news. Today, uncertainty. Tomorrow, who knows. Women and womxn, we are in this place where things change and we’re not ready for it sometimes. You all know that better than I, especially when it comes to your lives. But I’d like to think that as we journey together, we can see validation, understanding, compassion, and healing. If you have questions or thoughts on this subject, don’t hesitate to leave a comment below or email me 1:1. Or, if you’d like to join the FSW Circle, here’s the link for that and you’ll get a lil’ mini-guide. If you’d rather do your own thing for a bit, that’s ok: here’s the FSW Quiz and we can connect in the Circle then.