We’re diving in today women and womxn, with a little less sugar and more spice and authenticity.
How many of you have been raised or shaped to be demure, submissive, or any version of “less than?”
I get it, there are cultural norms, workplace realities, family or caretaker values, and choices we make every day related to this. It’s not as simple as, “just give up apologizing and be a badass.” Still, there’s always room to practice avoiding over-apologizing and self-degrading habits every day.
Want to know the tricks to learn how to apologize less?
- Get to know Your (Real) Self and Try to Live Each Day as Who You Are
- Recognize Others’ Opinions are Just That: Opinions
- Don’t Waste Time on “Sorry” When You Can Move On
Get to Know Your Real Self & Live Daily as Who You Are
This is and sounds simple, but it means undoing many things you’ve been taught or might’ve bought into unintentionally. I won’t sugarcoat this: it can be challenging to let thoughts and behaviors go, depending upon what needs to be undone. Not your fault, we live in a society where we’re shaped by an incredible amount of conditions and values, as you know. Many of us—and yours truly—can go through life unaware of how awesome we are for various reasons; it happens.
Now, obviously, there are certain experiences we’ve had and values we hold that shape us for the better. Through them, we’ve matured, grown, sustained, and learned a lot. But if there’s still a part of you that is living superficially, or with co-dependent dynamics, or even a victim-centered mentality, it’s time to shift this (if you’d like to). Take some quiet, self-care, loving time, with yourself. Learn more about who you are, on a deeper level, and practice living from this Wise place daily.
No apologies needed.
Recognize Others’ Opinions are Just That: Opinions
Ugh, it’s so easy to shape ourselves from others’ opinions… I still do it! It’s like a knee-jerk, automatic response sometimes. It doesn’t matter where we work or where we live: there are always personalities to contend with. We have work expectations, home expectations, responsibilities, and more. And you know what comes with those expectations and roles? Other people telling us what to do.
When we get unsolicited advice, it’s just that—>unsolicited. Sure, maybe the person means well…but when a person’s “advice” drags us down more than helps us process the situation or uplifts us, that’s telling. Definitely find deep, unconditional advice when you want it and can find it in or outside your circle. Get coaching, talk to a practitioner or wellness professional when you want to. But observe others that want to drag you down to their level or their level of consciousness and feel free to have a boundary with them, spending as much or as little time with them as you can.
No apologies needed.
Don’t Waste Time on “Sorry” When You Can Move On
Have you ever quit a job feeling unnecessarily guilty? Or, have you ever held on to shame or resentment long after your last day in the job or even in a relationship? Again, Human Life feels kind of complicated sometimes, and imperfect, but I’m going to ask a tough-but-with-lots-of-love question:
If you could go back and say “sorry” for the 100th time, would it even make a difference in that past circumstance?
Maybe yes, maybe no. So, if it’s definitely, “No, it wouldn’t make a difference,” then why hold on to the grudge, the shame, or any of the other baggage associated with it?
We all deserve peace of mind (and of body and soul) and it’s an interesting path to getting there. I’ve been in and out of jobs, in the best sense, since the early 2000s. Every time I left a role, I’d usually feel guilty for not doing X well enough, or I’d recount mistakes made during X circumstance that I should’ve been perfect at. But if a client, friend, or a family member, would do the same thing I’d be so much easier on them rather than myself. They’d find empathy, a listening ear, and a cheerleader.
Whether it’s days, months, or years later, try to say the sorry that really counts. To your Human element that feels guilty, ashamed, or small, love on them a lot and let go of what “should’ve been.”
Here we go with a little exercise and use what language works for you:
- Sit for a minute without distractions, focusing on your breath, and your body in its entirety. Close your eyes or look in the mirror if you want. Say something similar to: “Oh, _(your name)_, I’m so sorry that you still feel guilt, shame, or perfectionism, about _(the situation)_. You’ve learned from it and you’re doing the best you can today. That’s a great start and I love you deeply.”
- List out on paper, if possible, or on a device, if you must:
- What you’re still sorry for.
- Then beside each “sorry,” write what lessons you learned from that circumstance.
- Finally, besides each lesson(s), write how each lesson or result made you who you are today. Only list the positive or uplifting results, ok?
- Take this paper or note and do a few things with it. You can keep it with you and reread how you’ve built yourself up when facing a situation at work or home that’s a slog. Or read it at the beginning and end of every day. Maybe share it with an accountability buddy, so they can remind you of these positive shifts when needed. Seriously, you name it–make this list yours, because it’s your life and your lived experiences.
And, again… No apologies needed, Beautiful Beings! 🙂
Alright! You made it through the spicy, but full of love, tricks to living as YOU and not for others, guilt, or shame. Again, it may take some time to relearn and trust who you are without all the noise, but I promise it’s worth it. I’m still on the journey myself, but it’s a very rewarding one even amidst the bumps!
Let me know what you think about this “no apologies” (with humility, of course) attitude. I think a lot of us womxn and women were born apologizing; it’s like “sorry” was one of the first words we learned or maybe felt in our bodies. Not anymore, Friends. If you want more 1:1 chatting about this or any of the other FSW topics on the Blog, click here to email me. Or, if you’d like to join the free FSW Circle and get direct emails from a womxn still trying to figure it out herself, here’s how you do it (and you’ll get a free mini-guide to get started on your new journey). You’re amazing and I’m so glad you’re here as we walk this path together!