Why Do We Hold Ourselves Back? Here’s 3 Tips to Get Through #@(^%!* Mind Games Today

by | May 24, 2021 | Aligned Actions and Practices

Hey, Womxn and Women—Happy Monday to you! It’s baffling to think we’re almost halfway through the year! It makes me realize that I’ve got about six more months to make 2021 count. 🙂 What about you?

No doubt, 2020 and 2021 showed us that times are changing. As women, collectively we’ve been navigating work stress, family duties, balancing roles and expectations, and more. We’ve also been dealing with social issues such as sexism, patriarchy, racism, and a whole bunch of other -isms, that don’t need to keep existing in society. What always amazes me is our resiliency though, whether it’s expressed or we show a more silent strength.

So, with all that acknowledged and mentioned, why do we do a “five steps forward, two steps backward” sort of thing sometimes?

In conversations, I’ve seen that it can be “easy” for us to encourage other women going through bumps and roadblocks. But we can really do a disservice to ourselves when we get in our own heads. This is where we can band together and break this habit mind, body, and soul.

Newsflash: Did you know that self-actualization is one of five Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?

When acknowledging this, it’s important to balance the humanness in all of us.–>If you feel in your bones that you want to live out your potential, have a meaningful life, and this all feels natural to do… Why hold back?

Because we like to know what’s coming, know that we can be “successful,” and we like to feel safe. It’s pretty common to want these things, but these thoughts and feelings can be barriers. Let’s begin to bust the barriers, shall we?

Time to Bust Three Mind Games That Hold You Back

Myth #1: I Need to Have a Feeling of Security and Stability BEFORE Taking the Next Step

“Virginia… you don’t know what I’m going through. I need to feel safe or like all my ducks are in a row before I can take this next step.” (Yep, Gorgeous, I’ve felt the same way.)

By being here on this planet and in this lifetime, you’ve already been “taking the next steps” your whole life. Since you were born, things happened, changed, and you adapted (even when you don’t think you did a good job). And on a higher level, your Soul came here for a reason, or God/Goddess put you here for a reason if that’s your belief. Either way, there’s infinite wisdom behind what we do and choices we make; it is in every living being and that includes you.

So, if we look at it from a larger, universal perspective then security and stability are within our grasp. Your safety net is Universal Wisdom and you’re part of that weave.

Myth #2: I Don’t Know That I Really Deserve Success or Fulfillment

Oooo, this belief can play out in our thoughts, our actions, or as messages from other humans. It feels complicated and there is a multi-dimensional component to this myth. Plus, add in the -isms, systematic oppression, and trauma… It can feel overwhelming. And I’m not glossing over those situations at all, but when we have the voice inside that doesn’t speak of our self-worth… We need to decide whether we listen to it or not.

Honestly, when we self-sabotage or divert our attention from fulfillment, it doesn’t do us much good in the long run. But it can help us understand what we’re afraid of or maybe what we’re uncertain about. At the end of the day, it’s our responsibility to see where we’re playing into drama. And it’s ok to rewrite your life, Womxn, because this is your play and no one else’s.

Myth #3: I’m Not Sure That I Have the Strength or Tools to See Things Through

Like any toolkit, we all have…well, tools. We were born with them. And we were born with instincts, thoughtfulness, and curiosity.

I’ve talked about strengths in other posts before, but it’s worth repeating that you’ve got qualities that come naturally to you. And if you feel or think that you don’t have the strength or tools to make some changes in your life, I guarantee that you do.

Alright, let’s move on to the tips and tactics!

Here are 3 Pro Tips to Help You Walk Through, and Past, the Mind Games

Busting Myth #1—Self-Security Lies Within Us

I get it, we like to feel secure in what we do. It’s the Human Element in us, the one that’s survived so many situations. And there are a lot of things out of our control as I already mentioned in this post… For getting through and past these cultural and social realities already, I applaud you, Beautiful Womxn!

But let’s get really transparent with one another regarding what’s in our control… Let’s talk perfectionism, making comparisons, or rigid thinking. We know perfectionism doesn’t work; it’s a ghost version of “stability.” You know, where you feel like things must be “X way” before diving into “Y.” And what happens when “Y” comes our way and we haven’t done “X?” Or the Universe throws a Plot Twist in our lap and we have two options: try to create the “perfect option” or see how we grow through adaptation?

In the simplest form, our sense of security comes from within. There truly is nothing to make perfect–>nothing will ever be 100% perfect. But what we can control is our growth, expansion, and development, as we take our steps.

Busting Myth #2—Every Living Thing on This Planet Has Worth & Fulfills a Role. And You’re Living in Your Purpose Already.

If you take time to witness other living beings—such as flowers, trees, birds, and more—you can see that their actions mean something. They make a choice to move a certain way; take root somewhere. They are one element of a whole network of living creatures that depend on each other and they’re a piece of the Big Puzzle.

Why would they be any different than you and I? Take root; move as needed; act intentionally. Friends, your self-actualization is yours. Your fulfillment, as a living being, is already in the works and happening right now.

Next time there’s a story playing out in your head—stories of competition, drama, or lack of worth—try to be a witness to the following:

  • Recognize when you’re friggin’ tired and need some TLC. Take care of that Human Element.
  • Create time to spend with your Spirit, your Center, your Wise Woman. The part of you that’s like your caretaker, the fire within that keeps you going. What would She say to you, about all the wonderful qualities you bring to this world?
  • And if you look at your life, very logically and not with disdain, where can you see your strengths playing out? When and where did you tap into your wisdom and love yourself?

Busting Myth #3—Your Tools Have Been There and Can Change Your Life

To know you have the strengths and tools to get through changes or transitions, you need to actually use them. We’re talking experiential learning at its best!

And we’re getting really practical here:

  • Use that planner, list-making device, or post-it pack, like your life truly depends on it.
  • Start that Couch to 5K method, or measure out the distance around a few city blocks, to begin the workout program.
  • Call the organization you’ve wanted to work with for years to see if they have any opportunities.
  • Or, say to yourself, “WTF, I’m going to do my own thing…” and take steps to achieve your independence.
  • Don’t be your own worst enemy… in whatever it is that you’re trying to do.

Be. Brave. For. Yourself.

Because, Womxn, we’ve had to be brave and strong for millennia to make it through what we’ve made through as a Feminine Unit. For the sake of being on a saltbox for a moment longer: we have a collective, deep memory of feminine energy that is coming out now. No stopping it. I could type more for hours and hours about this, but I’ll end it here. I’m pumping myself up as well, Beloveds, because I get in my own head, too.

What do you think—>are you ready to get out of your head and live a full life? FSW is here to help you, to be with you, and to walk with you, on the journey. Write me 1:1 if you want to connect more on this topic or any others on the Blog. Or, you can take the FSW Quiz and get started with your mini-guide to making your own changes. Also, here’s the FSW Circle to get on my mailing list and have weekly memos and check-ins. By joining, you’ll get a free mini-guide there, too! Enjoy!